Suicide aka CRPS

Suicide: Let’s talk about it!

As uncomfortable as this subject is, it is a reality and an option for some as they struggle with the idea quietly in the corner of the room. A few months back I posted this very subject as a topic for discussion in a chronic illness support group. My boldness made some people quite uncomfortable due to the fact that I wanted to talk about suicide. I’m tired that as a society we only speak of the act of suicide once someone kills themselves rather than discuss how painful it is for not just your children and your immediate family, but it affects your friends, your co-workers, your community, and anyone who has been lucky enough to truly know you… to survive your intentional death.

Cries for help

Do not misunderstand, I wasn’t making a threat about plotting my own demise or even offhandedly commenting that I was thinking about it. I wanted to do what no one does and that is talk about suicide before the fact and not after they killed themselves. I’m also tired of not talking about our feelings and emotions I am tired of people not being real. We live in a time and a society that “Hello, How are you today.” … is missing the question mark. To pun a phrase – we are missing the mark. I awoke to the attached screenshot of a message on my desktop this morning. Let me just say this is what uncomfortable looks like.

I can hear it now. Oh, my! How could you post this?!?!? All I can say to that is… Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding. This is one of the very reasons suicides occur because we aren’t talking about it or anything else of any substance and we sure as hell aren’t talking about the fact we hurt either physically or emotionally. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a psychologist, I’m just a person who’s been around the block one too many times and still looks decent for the highway miles.

I understand being tired, I understand pain, I understand I don’t like it and besides trying to talk some sense into them over the reality of what they leave behind, I don’t know what else to say. “Don’t do it!?! Dial 800-784-2433 or 800-273-8255 ◦ Deaf or Hearing Impaired Assistance at 800-799-4TTY ◦ Para Obtener Asistencia en español, llame al 888-628-9454 ◦ Veterans dial 800-273-8255 & Press (1)” falls on deaf ears and because they have never personally experienced an individual whom they hold close or discovered the scene of a suicide, they just don’t get it.

They don’t understand the grief and damage it leaves behind no matter the length of the letter left explaining yourself, no matter if you know them well or not. The closer you are the harder it tends to be tho not the rule. The pain that you feel right now doesn’t compare to the pain, guilt, desperation, depression, they will feel for the remainder of their lives nor the questions that they’ll feel never have answers to without you in their lives.

Published by lisa proctor

Since 2012 I have suffered the effects of Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Moreover, through lifestyle changes, I've taken back control of my life and regain much of the independence I thought lost to me. It is for this very reason I wish to share my discoveries with others with the hope that it will serve you as well.

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